Driving lesson

In which L steps on the gas instead of the brake and lays a parking meter low.  

So L is finally learning to drive.  I had to push him first to take the written test (only failed once) and later to actually sit himself down behind the wheel to practice.  His first lesson was about 1 month ago and his first attempt (just to pull away from the curb in front of our house and take a left turn) was sooo bad that we both got those hysterical giggles.  L had to pull over and I drove him to a parking lot.  Don't say it: that's what I should have done in the first place. 

Anyway, he doesn't really like cars or driving so he's not chomping at the bit to practice, but he has finally gotten the hang of it.  He's gotten on the highway a couple of times but mainly it has just been local practice--errands with mom. 

Today he drove himself to class; I was in the passenger seat, of course.  On the way to class he was saying that he could probably pass the drivers' test - I agreed, but added that he still needed to practice a lot more because one doesn't really know what one needs to learn until faced with different situations (impersonal = no judgement).

When we got to campus just a minute later, L saw a parking spot and decided to parallel park in order to hand over the car to me. The campus is very urban; so we were doing this on a narrow and busy road.  L has parallel parked a couple of times and he was feeling pretty good about his skills... In fact, that was his "evidence" when he said he could pass the drivers test: it was, "because I can parallel park." Perhaps a bit too cocky but 20-20 hindsight and all that drivel. 

I had found the experience of parallel parking with him quite nerve-wracking because he seems to be going too fast in the back and forth maneuvering.  It makes me nervous but I had sort of convinced myself that it was just that exaggerated response that one can feel when being driven by a beginner.  When V learned to drive I turned into a crazy nervous passenger for about a year... (That's a whole nother story).

 But, it turns out that I should have trusted my gut.  At a certain point L drove forward until he slammed right into the meter.  Darn - I've already forgotten the exact order of events. Now I'm wondering if my nervousness contributed to his error.  Be that as it may, he confused the pedals and crunch. 

Anyway, my favorite part (I mean, besides the fact that nobody was hurt and we didn't even touch the car parked in front of ours): L and I responded very calmly to the accident. We didn't fight at all - nobody was blaming anybody.  The  closest we got to a confrontation was in the 30 seconds after the accident when L backed-up off the meter and the curb in order to try to accomodate the car a little better in the spot, I yelled, "Stop!"  I can't remember what L said to me - voice raising - but when I replied that my adrenaline was racing (i.e. I know that I don't need to yell and that the danger is past, but this is a natural physiological response),  L accepted that as an apology and we both calmed down right away.  

Poor L.  After that he got out to look at the other car etc. I offered to let him keep trying to park but he didn't want to, so I at least moved the car so that we were completely within the lines -- It was making strange noises when I turned the wheel and I don't have much experience with accidents; the last one was when we lived in Denver (meaning about 20 years ago).  I was sure that the damage to our car was going to make it undrivable.

Luckily I had my phone and I dialed 911... Of course, 10 minutes later I realized that I'd forgotten my AAA card and license so I called H --who had a problem with his eyes today and so had made a doctor's appointment.  H spent a good 40 minutes looking for my license to bring it to me... Finally, he gave up and came to where we were waiting for the police.  We waited from about 12:10 - 1:10 and I called twice... A couple of things sort of were pushing us to just take off:  

1- H was getting nervous about missing his eye appointment and he realized the car was okay to drive (very slowly because the wheel was rubbing when the wheel was turned to the left).  2- L was missing a class and a quiz. 3- One of L's profs saw us and stopped to talk and said that, because there was no damage to anything except our own car - and the parking meter could probably just be straightened,"most people would have just taken off." 

L and I were super nervous about leaving but, in the end, H took things into his own hands.  Unlike me, the noises the car was making didn't freak him out, he just drove off (after giving me the key to his car to follow him home).  

Anyway, that's how you learn how to drive, right?  It's all about experience.  

Learning how to teach somebody to drive is also all about experience, but I don't know how much more of it I can take - ha ha.  I was finally able to put my finger on why L's parallel parking didn't feel right to me.  Sigh... a day late and a dollar short.  I only lift my foot off the brake and wait for the car to roll.  I think L was going straight to the gas pedal.  You know, I bet that's a rookie error (for me - the teacher).  

My older son is also going to learn how to drive this summer.  I'm totally ready to do this!  

Wait for me. . . my precious

I found a new hiding place for my "stash"--my sugar... You see, my son knows me; he knows that I hide unhealthy things, so if he's in the mood for a sweet snack, he'll dig around.  The worst moment was about 4 years ago when he discovered that I had a huge (Costco size) plastic container of jelly beans under my bed!

I haven't been eating many sweets recently.  I don't crave them as much for a couple of reasons. One thing was that I just stopped eating sweets for a week or so and that always works for me.  It was earlier this summer, after L had gone though another round of really shocking sugar intake when his girlfriend sent him a box full of candy bars, homemade brownies and a jar of something appalling called "cookie butter"--more like diabetes butter-- which, thank God, is still sitting in the door of our refrigerator.

So, anyway, after Lucas had eaten a scary amount of sugar in two days, I proposed to him that we do a week of "NO SUGAR" (except for p.b.j. sandwiches because we're only human).  Surprisingly, he accepted readily. No need to convince him at all.  And he did it; we even passed the week without even remarking on it.  Since then, we've both eaten sugar, but so little in comparison.  It can be hard to get L's dad on board; he loves to bring L treats...

I'm so grateful about the timing, because I never wanted to make this "no sugar" thing about weight or dieting: it was 100% health in my mind.  But, anyway, a few days later V brought back our scale (we had lent it to her mother).  The funny thing was that on our other scale, the dial gets stuck at 195 lbs. which is about 5 or 10 pounds over what L weighed his last year of high school.  We figured the scale was broken but didn't think too much about it.  So when L got on the working scale and discovered that he weighed 218 pounds, he was shocked.  In fact he needed a wee bit of convincing.  He made me tell him my weight and then get on the scale (ha ha, the number was about 5 pounds less than I predicted)

Not only had he been sucker punched by the "freshman fifteen," but he gained the bonus "I'm in a stable relationship ten" 

And YY (my code name for L's girlfriend) ...
So, as I was saying, YY likes to snack, but it works like this. When she stays with us, they walk to the store, which unfortunately is less than 3 blocks from our house,and, for example, buy a pack of popsicles of which she might eat one or two before L polishes off the rest!

L still doesn't believe me (or says he doesn't) that he's eating more than he used to in high school... According to him, it's just a matter of exercise.

Anyway, this is my favorite part: L's reaction when he finally believed the scale.  I love it because it's the L who is capable of self deprecating humor and doesn't get all hung-up on this stuff like I would have at his age!  He took a picture of his feet with the damning number on the scale and then an unflattering selfie with a "horrified" expression in which he tried to make a double chin (he doesn't have one).  He sent them to his girlfriend in snapchat.

So, anyway, my hiding spot is empty, for now.  But, if the craving for chocolate does hit me, I'm prepared to keep my sugar hidden, as any self-sacrificing mother would.

Okay, I confess - there was chocolate there yesterday (salted caramel) and the package lasted less than 24 hours... but I definitely am not craving any more.  Yuck... You know, I've become an old lady --a candy wimp.  This was only a 5 ounce package, I used to eat that much to prepare my palate for the real dessert.  

He's back

Wow.  So much time has passed. 
I never wrote a word about how proud I was of L at school. 
I never mentioned that I missed him, but that I was thrilled that he'd moved away from home because when I did see him he was so sweet to me (unlike the son who moved out of the house in September who could just barely listen to me ask for anything, let alone listen to me sing...)
He thrived on his own (overall).  Certainly wasn't missing us too much (lost his phone and didn't want to replace it - he wasn't calling us)*

But now, he's back!!! Decided to transfer to the very respectable university that's practically in our hometown and he's living at home again. 
I know he wants to be a different L.  He's trying very hard to be agreeable and cooperative. Plus, he no longer has that knee-jerk reaction toward anything I do.  But, he's not really strong on house-work -it's not something he really gets.  So, while he's make great strides in being able to clean the kitchen by himself regularly, it's no good just to tell him he's in charge.  (Since I was working and he's on vacation and I thought that was fair...)

Anyway, darn it.  This isn't fun or funny. 

I guess, now that I've seen the end (I've caught a distant glimpse of the empty nest ha ha), I just want to be able to enjoy L... I don't want to let up on him.  I don't want to let him act entitled and spoiled.  But as long as he's growing and maturing (and he really is), I want to be able to enjoy having him home with us a few more years. 

There's a trap I can fall into.  L can be a very aggressive debater and he's not one for admitting any error... So, it's tempting to lay my side of things out in writing.  At the back of my mind is that idea... one day you'll see this and you really will get it, son.  : ) But, I guess if he's going to "get it" someday, it won't' necessarily be because I spent any more time at this blog... right? right. 

There is one sort of funny thing that I have to say... Damn!  No longer in the mood to write (wait - make that: I'm still not in the mood to write.)


* That hasn't changed.  When he came home one weekend without his phone (October) and then the next time I saw him he didn't have his phone, I got him to admit... but about 3 weeks after he'd moved home, he found it in his backpack. ha ha

My summer job

I think that L got distracted from getting his permit because he realized that he wasn't going to be able to really drive before leaving for college anyway (he wouldn't have had enough practice months under his belt).  Anyway, he didn't jump on it and now it's too late because I made one phone call.

Just kidding, but I did speak with our insurance company yesterday and they told us that it would cost us $1620.00 EXTRA a year (on top of the $1,700 per year we already pay) to insure him to drive the family cars.  That is, we weren't asking about insuring him and his OWN car... which he won't get from us anyway.

We don't have to pay anything if he gets just his permit (when we always have to accompany him in the car).

So, we've decided to let him get a permit as long as he can have it and practice until NEXT summer when he'll get his license and we'll start shelling out the bucks for the privilege of lending him our car.

Seriously though, if it saves us from the boring boring driving and waiting of this summer, we'll do it.

 On the bright side, now I can look at all my driving duty this summer as though it were a paying job.  Procrastination pay!  Ha ha!

Home, James

July 9 - 14,  2014 (wrote this over several days)

Yesterday L said to me, “Do you ever imagine what your life would be like if you didn’t have to take me to rehearsal and wait around all those hours?”  

His point was that he wanted me to take him to a mall in East Brunswick instead.  From that mall he would get a ride to rehearsal from somebody in the show (a girl) and I’d just have to show up at the end of rehearsal to pick him up.

I said, “okay,” but then I remembered Hi- – to whom we give a ride every day.  So, L contacted Hi and he said he would go to the mall too. 

It was getting complicated, but seemed it could work.  Still I could tell that something wasn’t right.  

In the first place L wasn’t 100% sure which mall and we figured it out through process of elimination, but I’m not sure why he couldn’t just touch base with the girl to make sure. 

   L texted the girl  from our car that we were running a little late (in other words, he did have a way to contact her).  

Anyway, we got to the mall and I parked my car in a visible spot and told L and Hi that as long as they saw the car there, I was hanging out in Barnes and Nobel.  I thought I'd just enjoy some time with books and in air conditioning, since it was a hot day.

Five minutes later (I hadn’t even got past the case of cheapo books in the vestibule), L found me and told me he had a problem.  It turned out that they did NOT have a ride to practice.  Instead, apparently all of them would need a ride from the mall to rehearsal....

My options were say no and take L and Hi back home with me or say yes, but extract a concession from L: no internet the next day so that he would move forward with some of his projects. 

 I rushed home to get some things done in what was left of the day.  H didn’t go with me to practice because we didn't know if there would be room in the car - but really I think he was super happy to stay home, partly because the world cup match wasn’t over when I left and partly because that drive to rehearsal (and the wait) is getting old. . ..

The good news is that last week H and I took a walk during rehearsal and we discovered that the public library is just really close to the rehearsals.  I've been waiting in a supermarket that has some tables (and a starbucks) inside, but it's been so freezing and there's no shade outside to wait during the day.  

OK.  

Gotto go pick up L from college orientation (20 miles) and then take him to... rehearsal  which isn't that far at all - about a half hour.  It's just far enough that I say, if I drive there and back and there and back I'm using double the gas and also I've spent two plus hours of my day driving.  

Seriously, the kid has been talking about getting his drivers permit but then doesn't do it. .. 

rrrring rrrring: missed the call but learns the lesson.

So, today L. was reluctantly working on a job application. 

L: “What’s the telephone number of that phone I carry around?”

M: “Where is it?”

L: opening a drawer in the desk, “It’s not here.”

M: “Where is it?”

L: “I have it.” (gesturing vaguely toward his room)

M:  “Let me just call it.  If you are going to use that number in your job applications, let’s make sure that you have it on you and it’s charged.”

phone: rrrring ring ring

L. follows the sound and finds the phone in a bag he had used that was sitting in the basement. He comes upstairs, opens the phone and makes a phone call.

L:  “Hello.  I got a call two days ago, and I’m sorry, my phone was off.” 

He had gotten a call from somebody at a music store in response to an on-line application he had put in.  Because he hadn’t bothered to carry the phone or check it, he didn't know he was missing out on a job that would have been good for him. Sigh…

So, I resisted the urge to rub it in or lecture, except that I said, “Thank you.”  The kid should be grateful; I’m doing everything I can to help him avoid spending the summer working with me.  

Her Hair Movie

H. told me that he had gotten the movie "Hair"  on Netflix, and I was intrigued.  I had never seen it.  It's not the type of movie my husband would ever watch, so I assumed that he got it either because he'd just read some sort of retrospective review or because he thought our son (L.) wanted to see it.

So,  I invited L. to watch "Hair" also.  We had this whole conversation about "Hair," (mainly in Spanish).  So, it's really funny that when H. put the movie on, it was "Her", that new movie about a guy who falls in love with his operating system.  (I had told H. I wanted to watch it).

Ha ha.  I liked "Her"  and L. actually said it was the best romantic comedy he'd seen.  (So, thumbs up from us). 

Since I now had Hair stuck in my head, and taking advantage of how distracted H. has been by the world cup, I snuck "Hair" (1979) onto our netflix queue and, over the past couple of days, I watched it.  H usually controls the queue as though it were a matter of life and death. 

PS  mixed feelings about "Hair": it's over two hours and has way too much unnecessary filler material (random songs).  But... I have to say that I don't regret watching it, even if I did watch part of it on 1.4 speed --I lost patience with it for awhile.