Wait for me. . . my precious

I found a new hiding place for my "stash"--my sugar... You see, my son knows me; he knows that I hide unhealthy things, so if he's in the mood for a sweet snack, he'll dig around.  The worst moment was about 4 years ago when he discovered that I had a huge (Costco size) plastic container of jelly beans under my bed!

I haven't been eating many sweets recently.  I don't crave them as much for a couple of reasons. One thing was that I just stopped eating sweets for a week or so and that always works for me.  It was earlier this summer, after L had gone though another round of really shocking sugar intake when his girlfriend sent him a box full of candy bars, homemade brownies and a jar of something appalling called "cookie butter"--more like diabetes butter-- which, thank God, is still sitting in the door of our refrigerator.

So, anyway, after Lucas had eaten a scary amount of sugar in two days, I proposed to him that we do a week of "NO SUGAR" (except for p.b.j. sandwiches because we're only human).  Surprisingly, he accepted readily. No need to convince him at all.  And he did it; we even passed the week without even remarking on it.  Since then, we've both eaten sugar, but so little in comparison.  It can be hard to get L's dad on board; he loves to bring L treats...

I'm so grateful about the timing, because I never wanted to make this "no sugar" thing about weight or dieting: it was 100% health in my mind.  But, anyway, a few days later V brought back our scale (we had lent it to her mother).  The funny thing was that on our other scale, the dial gets stuck at 195 lbs. which is about 5 or 10 pounds over what L weighed his last year of high school.  We figured the scale was broken but didn't think too much about it.  So when L got on the working scale and discovered that he weighed 218 pounds, he was shocked.  In fact he needed a wee bit of convincing.  He made me tell him my weight and then get on the scale (ha ha, the number was about 5 pounds less than I predicted)

Not only had he been sucker punched by the "freshman fifteen," but he gained the bonus "I'm in a stable relationship ten" 

And YY (my code name for L's girlfriend) ...
So, as I was saying, YY likes to snack, but it works like this. When she stays with us, they walk to the store, which unfortunately is less than 3 blocks from our house,and, for example, buy a pack of popsicles of which she might eat one or two before L polishes off the rest!

L still doesn't believe me (or says he doesn't) that he's eating more than he used to in high school... According to him, it's just a matter of exercise.

Anyway, this is my favorite part: L's reaction when he finally believed the scale.  I love it because it's the L who is capable of self deprecating humor and doesn't get all hung-up on this stuff like I would have at his age!  He took a picture of his feet with the damning number on the scale and then an unflattering selfie with a "horrified" expression in which he tried to make a double chin (he doesn't have one).  He sent them to his girlfriend in snapchat.

So, anyway, my hiding spot is empty, for now.  But, if the craving for chocolate does hit me, I'm prepared to keep my sugar hidden, as any self-sacrificing mother would.

Okay, I confess - there was chocolate there yesterday (salted caramel) and the package lasted less than 24 hours... but I definitely am not craving any more.  Yuck... You know, I've become an old lady --a candy wimp.  This was only a 5 ounce package, I used to eat that much to prepare my palate for the real dessert.  

He's back

Wow.  So much time has passed. 
I never wrote a word about how proud I was of L at school. 
I never mentioned that I missed him, but that I was thrilled that he'd moved away from home because when I did see him he was so sweet to me (unlike the son who moved out of the house in September who could just barely listen to me ask for anything, let alone listen to me sing...)
He thrived on his own (overall).  Certainly wasn't missing us too much (lost his phone and didn't want to replace it - he wasn't calling us)*

But now, he's back!!! Decided to transfer to the very respectable university that's practically in our hometown and he's living at home again. 
I know he wants to be a different L.  He's trying very hard to be agreeable and cooperative. Plus, he no longer has that knee-jerk reaction toward anything I do.  But, he's not really strong on house-work -it's not something he really gets.  So, while he's make great strides in being able to clean the kitchen by himself regularly, it's no good just to tell him he's in charge.  (Since I was working and he's on vacation and I thought that was fair...)

Anyway, darn it.  This isn't fun or funny. 

I guess, now that I've seen the end (I've caught a distant glimpse of the empty nest ha ha), I just want to be able to enjoy L... I don't want to let up on him.  I don't want to let him act entitled and spoiled.  But as long as he's growing and maturing (and he really is), I want to be able to enjoy having him home with us a few more years. 

There's a trap I can fall into.  L can be a very aggressive debater and he's not one for admitting any error... So, it's tempting to lay my side of things out in writing.  At the back of my mind is that idea... one day you'll see this and you really will get it, son.  : ) But, I guess if he's going to "get it" someday, it won't' necessarily be because I spent any more time at this blog... right? right. 

There is one sort of funny thing that I have to say... Damn!  No longer in the mood to write (wait - make that: I'm still not in the mood to write.)


* That hasn't changed.  When he came home one weekend without his phone (October) and then the next time I saw him he didn't have his phone, I got him to admit... but about 3 weeks after he'd moved home, he found it in his backpack. ha ha

My summer job

I think that L got distracted from getting his permit because he realized that he wasn't going to be able to really drive before leaving for college anyway (he wouldn't have had enough practice months under his belt).  Anyway, he didn't jump on it and now it's too late because I made one phone call.

Just kidding, but I did speak with our insurance company yesterday and they told us that it would cost us $1620.00 EXTRA a year (on top of the $1,700 per year we already pay) to insure him to drive the family cars.  That is, we weren't asking about insuring him and his OWN car... which he won't get from us anyway.

We don't have to pay anything if he gets just his permit (when we always have to accompany him in the car).

So, we've decided to let him get a permit as long as he can have it and practice until NEXT summer when he'll get his license and we'll start shelling out the bucks for the privilege of lending him our car.

Seriously though, if it saves us from the boring boring driving and waiting of this summer, we'll do it.

 On the bright side, now I can look at all my driving duty this summer as though it were a paying job.  Procrastination pay!  Ha ha!

Home, James

July 9 - 14,  2014 (wrote this over several days)

Yesterday L said to me, “Do you ever imagine what your life would be like if you didn’t have to take me to rehearsal and wait around all those hours?”  

His point was that he wanted me to take him to a mall in East Brunswick instead.  From that mall he would get a ride to rehearsal from somebody in the show (a girl) and I’d just have to show up at the end of rehearsal to pick him up.

I said, “okay,” but then I remembered Hi- – to whom we give a ride every day.  So, L contacted Hi and he said he would go to the mall too. 

It was getting complicated, but seemed it could work.  Still I could tell that something wasn’t right.  

In the first place L wasn’t 100% sure which mall and we figured it out through process of elimination, but I’m not sure why he couldn’t just touch base with the girl to make sure. 

   L texted the girl  from our car that we were running a little late (in other words, he did have a way to contact her).  

Anyway, we got to the mall and I parked my car in a visible spot and told L and Hi that as long as they saw the car there, I was hanging out in Barnes and Nobel.  I thought I'd just enjoy some time with books and in air conditioning, since it was a hot day.

Five minutes later (I hadn’t even got past the case of cheapo books in the vestibule), L found me and told me he had a problem.  It turned out that they did NOT have a ride to practice.  Instead, apparently all of them would need a ride from the mall to rehearsal....

My options were say no and take L and Hi back home with me or say yes, but extract a concession from L: no internet the next day so that he would move forward with some of his projects. 

 I rushed home to get some things done in what was left of the day.  H didn’t go with me to practice because we didn't know if there would be room in the car - but really I think he was super happy to stay home, partly because the world cup match wasn’t over when I left and partly because that drive to rehearsal (and the wait) is getting old. . ..

The good news is that last week H and I took a walk during rehearsal and we discovered that the public library is just really close to the rehearsals.  I've been waiting in a supermarket that has some tables (and a starbucks) inside, but it's been so freezing and there's no shade outside to wait during the day.  

OK.  

Gotto go pick up L from college orientation (20 miles) and then take him to... rehearsal  which isn't that far at all - about a half hour.  It's just far enough that I say, if I drive there and back and there and back I'm using double the gas and also I've spent two plus hours of my day driving.  

Seriously, the kid has been talking about getting his drivers permit but then doesn't do it. .. 

rrrring rrrring: missed the call but learns the lesson.

So, today L. was reluctantly working on a job application. 

L: “What’s the telephone number of that phone I carry around?”

M: “Where is it?”

L: opening a drawer in the desk, “It’s not here.”

M: “Where is it?”

L: “I have it.” (gesturing vaguely toward his room)

M:  “Let me just call it.  If you are going to use that number in your job applications, let’s make sure that you have it on you and it’s charged.”

phone: rrrring ring ring

L. follows the sound and finds the phone in a bag he had used that was sitting in the basement. He comes upstairs, opens the phone and makes a phone call.

L:  “Hello.  I got a call two days ago, and I’m sorry, my phone was off.” 

He had gotten a call from somebody at a music store in response to an on-line application he had put in.  Because he hadn’t bothered to carry the phone or check it, he didn't know he was missing out on a job that would have been good for him. Sigh…

So, I resisted the urge to rub it in or lecture, except that I said, “Thank you.”  The kid should be grateful; I’m doing everything I can to help him avoid spending the summer working with me.  

Her Hair Movie

H. told me that he had gotten the movie "Hair"  on Netflix, and I was intrigued.  I had never seen it.  It's not the type of movie my husband would ever watch, so I assumed that he got it either because he'd just read some sort of retrospective review or because he thought our son (L.) wanted to see it.

So,  I invited L. to watch "Hair" also.  We had this whole conversation about "Hair," (mainly in Spanish).  So, it's really funny that when H. put the movie on, it was "Her", that new movie about a guy who falls in love with his operating system.  (I had told H. I wanted to watch it).

Ha ha.  I liked "Her"  and L. actually said it was the best romantic comedy he'd seen.  (So, thumbs up from us). 

Since I now had Hair stuck in my head, and taking advantage of how distracted H. has been by the world cup, I snuck "Hair" (1979) onto our netflix queue and, over the past couple of days, I watched it.  H usually controls the queue as though it were a matter of life and death. 

PS  mixed feelings about "Hair": it's over two hours and has way too much unnecessary filler material (random songs).  But... I have to say that I don't regret watching it, even if I did watch part of it on 1.4 speed --I lost patience with it for awhile. 

paper trail or lost and found

I was doing my taxes (asked for an extension this year) and that led me to search through folders looking for some lost receipts.

There's too much paper in my life.  I want to throw out some of these things.  Then again, when I look at the scraps, I see things that I've forgotten:

I visited my mom from June 15 - 19 2005... I traveled alone.   Ouch. I'm just noticing that I had to be at the airport at 6:00 am and I flew from LaGuardia .  That ticket was cheap ( $258.00)  but it was also the flight that caused H forevermore to reject with a passion ANY travel plans that involve LaGuardia.   Lo siento; it was an accident, I didn't mean to leave from LaGuardia.    (rip - throw out one piece of paper). 

In 2005 I also got a Washington DC hotel on priceline for one weekend in April so that H could take his Board Exams.  Did L and I travel with him?  I'm not sure.  I'll have to look to see if he drove or took the train... if he drove, we went too  (rip).

Then, a few weeks later H traveled to Atlanta, Georgia for work.  I have a "statement" for his extra expenses at the Ritz-Carlton.   $6.00 on the "Honor Bar"... Ha ha.  I bet that was a tiny bag of peanuts from the refrigerator in his room.   It really isn't like H to do that.  I'm not surprised by the $14.00 from "Ocean Café Liquor" because that probably covered one drink at the hotel bar.  (rip).

Oh, look, here are the boarding passes for that trip to Denver in June 2005.  How quaint.  I haven't had an authentic boarding pass in a long time.  (rip ... ooooh real magnetic strips & they don't tear)

What have we here?  A receipt for another trip to Denver in 2004 (2/26 - 3/01).  I traveled alone again and I checked a bag.  Nowadays I wouldn't check the bag for a short trip because I'd be charged. I only paid $236 to United  and that was an easy direct flight compared to the one I would take the next year.   

Oh, this is sad.  In October 2004 we traveled to Tampa Florida for the funeral of H's sister-in-law.   She had a brain tumor and I think she had been sick and slowly getting worse for about 2 years.  H's brother was left with their teenage son.  Her death seemed like the tragedy then, but later we realized that it was just... just a tiny sprout of what would become the real tragedy of our lives. 

See? this is why it's hard to sort through old papers  

Oh, wow.  I just looked at that last paper again and I realized that H traveled alone.  Isn't that sad? When I wrote those paragraphs, I thought I had been with him and, for a second, I even vaguely recalled a photo of that trip.  But, no. 

Somewhere in that folder is the receipt for the next trip we took to Florida.  It was a wedding.  H's brother remarried.  Those are the photos I remembered seeing, and I think that I only connected them with the funeral because they have nothing happy about them except our expressions. 

Sigh. I'm stopping now.  I'm not going to look for any more documents.