forgiving...

We had guests (family) for Christmas and we were talking about the youngest member of the family, L.  Well, he had been engaging in debates with very religious people on  a Christian chat site (a friend of his, "E," started the practice).  Older brother P. noted that he had told L. that the problem with these on-line conversations was that L and his friend  were going to these sites to start this debate.  When insults started flowing, a few from my son, he had to accept his role in initiating confrontation.  These very religious pages hadn't sent their members out looking for adolescent guys to poke fights with.

I'm starting with that story to fill in the setting: all of us family sitting around a table - and L was a good topic of conversation for the new-comers.  He unites everyone in this large blended family.  We all love him like crazy, but it's not a simplistic "ain't he cute" sort of conversation - Even though we're also laughing a lot.  

Anyway, at a certain moment we started telling the very very funny story of L's "thank-you" conversation with his aunt on Christmas - in which he had proceeded to insult the heck out of the present she sent (a movie) and then, when he realized his gaffe, tried to apologize indirectly.  The story is so funny that I'll try to do it justice in a separate post.

Well, I'm guessing L. heard our entire conversation.  He was playing video games in the living room and we were in the kitchen. At a certain point he couldn't take it any more.... I must have been guilty of emphasizing some egregious detail (because we were all telling the story to the two in our group who had missed the moment).  Or maybe it was that I added another short story.  I don't remember, but at a certain point L came into the kitchen and said something only to me about how I was making him sound like an idiot - and he shot me this look.

At that moment I felt really bad.  I went to the living room in a few minutes and told him that I was sorry - but that he knows how I don't tell "show-offy" stories about my kids even though I think they are the greatest.  That is actually something we have talked about (and we've talked about those insufferable people who only boast about their kids etc.)

Still, I did feel bad - I know it's not cool to feel like the butt of the joke for too long.  L didn't really buy my apology and I decided not to try to convince him.  Sometimes you have to allow someone to be mad at you (at me).

Went back to the kitchen and rejoined the conversation.  At one point I told a funny story about how I learned to drive (and the context was totally about dissing my driving).  First time I drove at night I didn't know how to turn on the headlights - so I drove around with the inside car lights on - but no headlights.  I could see people staring at me.  In other words I looked really stupid.  

A while later, L came back into the kitchen to join the group.  He picked me up in a big exuberant half-embrace half-look how strong I am-gesture.  Wow - I was forgiven.

I don't know if he heard my story and decided that the one about him hadn't been so bad OR if, more likely, he just forgave me.  L is so able to let-go of anger.  I'm so happy to see that trait in him and I was really really grateful to him at that moment.