I'm looking at the man in the mirror...

Last night L and I had a minor argument, and L respected the rules in the sense that he didn’t raise his voice, didn’t insult, tried to speak reasonably, etc. BUT, as he struggled to listen to me, he made this face, this exaggerated attempt to maintain calm.  Closing his eyes...

No, I can’t describe it. Just closing the eyes isn’t enough; the rest of the face has to communicate what a huge, and PAINFUL, effort one is making to listen to the other person calmly.
As I looked at his expression, I realized that I was staring at myself. I have made that face. I’m guessing that I have used it in some discussion with L... How can I have been so horribly annoying? Because, trust me, with its exaggerated stoic suffering, that expression is designed to try the patience .

What have I wrought? I’m sorry to everyone who ever had to see that face – I can only hope that it has been restricted to my closest family who love me unconditionally.

And what was our disagreement about?
Yesterday I realized that L had lost his school agenda and I went out and got him a notebook that I set up as a new agenda. He was pretty good at accepting my advice to start using this. BUT then, when L went into his room, I picked up the new agenda as well as a notebook which he had left on top his backpack. It was full of his math work except for one sheet (half-done) for English class. When I asked him what the sheet was, he came out of his room and said, “Don’t go through my backpack.” He added that he KNEW that the English sheet was in the math notebook; that he’d put it there “on purpose, because he didn’t have the English notebook...”
The main point in L’s argument was that his backpack was off-limits to me. First I said that the math notebook had been sitting on top of the backpack but when he tried to repeat as a kind of ultimatum that his backpack was off-limits to me, I drew the line.
“No, L, as your mother, I can look at your backpack. While I respect your desire for independence and privacy, and I don’t often look through your backpack, I’m not accepting an ultimatum about this.” I asked him WHEN was the last time I looked through it? He seemed to think it had been recently – but truly – I really don’t. (The last time was over Christmas break, and even then I didn’t really go through it – I looked at one folder and then insisted that he clean his backpack and pull out all the dead weight of old papers etc).
So, in general, I leave it alone and trust him – as I told him --One: because I really do respect his views in this regard and, two: I’m so unorganized myself that I don’t feel as though my past attempts to intervene to establish a good system have ever been very successful. BUT...
and about here is when L. closed his eyes, rested his head on the back of the couch, and composed his features in that way...
I stopped talking, L. opened his eyes and said, “Go on.” When I started again, he closed his eyes.

So I did and I kept it short and sweet. “I know that he was aware of the English sheet in the math folder, but that he might not remember that fact later when he needed the sheet – So,  put it away.” I also had found homework and sheets in the past that he had been supposed to turn in, but couldn’t find – for example. “So, I was hoping to stress that coming up with a better system (his own) would save him from a lot of frustration and lost time in his life --i.e. I’m trying to save you from my fate,” sigh...

Lucas opened his eyes and got up... I can't remember; he might even have been trying to disguise his relief.