My camera is terrible, but here's a
picture of tonight's dinner. Fish head
soup (I don't know if you can still make
out the eye and jaw). The head is
surrounded by whole purple cabbage
leaves.. I'm going to eat a tiny portion,
but I'm not going to like it as much as
the beans and pigs feet that my husband cooked on Sunday.
My husband and I are about to celebrate the anniversary of our wedding. 14 years. It's not a big deal around here. None of that stereotypical wife, "How could you forget our anniversary? Sniff." Most years, we kind of ignore it - and he's as likely to remember it first as I am... often a few days after the day.
But, this year I actually considered surprising him with a real night out - maybe at the shore... Then, I did the search and made some calls. Well, that sucks. Our anniversary is so close to Valentines Day that everyone else is going down to the shore, and all the good rooms (with views and not too expensive) are booked.
Still, I may not have taken the room, but I am very grateful to have a terrific partner who I love very much. (Oh, yeah, there have certainly been moments . . . In the past, I've complained long and hard about Mr. Amazing Almost Invisible Woman.) But, when you make it through all of those days, sometimes you're lucky enough to reach another level completely. Now I'm beginning to see that the fish soup photo makes this post seem like a put-down of my partner - when it is really an ode to how love overcomes all! Ain't love grand?
And NEVER say that people can't change. I wouldn't accuse him of sexism - that would over-simplify so many things about him (and me), nevertheless, my husband is from a certain generation of a certain region (not urban or urbane, shall we say). On top of that, from those roots he grew into an intellectual of sorts. Good old old-fashioned gender divisions + disdain for material concerns = a guy who doesn't get housework. He's totally consistent in this; if nobody else around the house is doing housework either, it doesn't even register with him... unless there are no clean socks/underwear or dishes.
Over time, though, much to his family's surprise, he has begun to regularly do things around the house.
Be careful what you wish for... For example, he now cooks quite often. I found an in-class writing assignment my son wrote in 8th grade about the worst meal he ever ate. His father's split pea... um... split pea loaf? split pea glue? split pea solid mass of ... of ? It was really indescribable. Nobody would ever accuse me of being quick to throw away food. In fact, my older son witnessed so much food recycling in our house that he once suggested we save glass of flat coca-cola to make bread with. The split peas called for different standards -- this was so bad that when my husband left the room, I gave the thumbs up to "operation trash can." The next night, only my husband tried to eat them again. That's one good thing; he would never dream of demanding that we eat his cooking. He is a big believer in free-will, autonomy, separation of powers, etc. Still, I try to make it the family meal (or integrate his dish into a family meal) because, if not, it's double labor - right?
And I'm jealous of my husband in a way. Not everyone would agree (because he eats a lot of meat), but I think he has a much healthier diet than I do. I mean, I simply can not gaze at a fish head and think, "Yummy!" the way he apparently can.
Oh, I can't resist one last compliment to the chef - he really has improved. He used to make beans and pigs feet - and he'd cook the beans with the pigs feet. Those suckers could practically walk by themselves (the mass of beans, I mean) because the pigs feet made the frijoles kind of like a jello dish. Now, he's careful not to use too many feet, and he boils them first separately... I don't know - it's less heavy and the beans are very edible.
I'm sure I've made you all very hungry.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteps your photo looks like it is an expression of your blue period ... can't quite make out the meal ... seriously, you could enter your photo on Saatchi online's art competition (I do not lie.)
ReplyDeleteThat does it - I'm going to break down and get a decent camera. The photo is pathetic - and I even took the damn pot of soup out to the sidewalk in front of our house to try to get better details and color in the natural light. I looked very bizarre out there with my fish head soup.
ReplyDeleteI am picturing L.'s face as he joins you at the dinner table, and then to be presented with a bowl that is staring at him....
ReplyDelete