Nightmare

Night before last I woke up from a nightmare (I wanted to write TERRIBLE nightmare, but by the light of day, the adjective seems overwraught). 

L. has taken me to a store... there seems to have been a "backstory" because I think, for some reason, L was in charge of finding a good place to change our money.

He heads into the store ahead of me and goes directly to a section that's partially hidden by shelves.  The owner says samething about "L knowing that the ..."  I didn't really catch the end, but I was assuming video games or something.

 I reluctantly go back there.  Anyway, the guy starts handing me dollars and saying something like, "Let's see if they're okay..."  I say, "?Nos estás pasando dólares falsificados?"  He denies it, but his explanation makes me sure he is. 

So, I say loudly, "Give me back my 3000 dollars." Well, I mean to say it loudly but suddenly my lungs seem to close up... I try again to say it loudly and it's suddenly terribly clear to me that I've suddenly developed a serious asthma attack.  It's such a terrible sensation to be in a confrontation, be helpless, need help... and then, of course, have L on my mind.

To me, this dream is about how scarey it is to give L more autonomy.  He wants it, and I sincerely want it for him also... But, what will happen to him if he screws it up... And, certainly whatever happens to him affects me also.

It's also about my being a terrible mother.  How could I have let L take on this responsibility without doing my part of the job - the due diligence? 

So... I may be taking this a tad too seriously.  It's strange how much the dream weighed on me.  But - I know, I know... it's only a zzz zzz

adrenaline rush

Took L. to regional choir practice today.  It was hours of waiting around and it was sooo cold out.  Got very hungry so I left to have dinner.  Ate at the super market - I just hate eating out when I'm alone.  Then I couldn't find the school when I tried to drive back... dark out.  Sigh... Got back just in time to wait another hour.
But here is the sweet thing.  L was so excited when he got out and so high energy when we got home.  Papa had made some soup, and L sat down to eat a bowl with no complaints.  (His father's soup... and no faces).  Then he started talking about the last song they did at practice and  he described the intensity of the piece and how all of the guys have started to keep the beat with their feet and how the tempo builds.  He was really on a music adrenaline rush (he used the word adrenaline).  I miss that feeling and I'm so happy for him that he has it: being in the very middle of tight harmonies and great singers.  I always tell L that my fantasy is to be the worst singer in a choir and he's never agreed with me, but now maybe he gets it a little.
     The good mood got him through cleaning the kitchen after dinner with me.  It was a treat to be with him.
      Then he hardly complained when he only got to watch about 15 minutes of an episode of "How I Met Your Mother"  (He had started it already - so he watched the end).

Papa and I watched an Italian movie "Mid August Lunch,"  I think.  There was something very charming about it and something a tad depressing - It was very Italian: sons who feel an incredible obligation to care for their mothers... It's dependence and take-chargeness (?) mixed in a strange way.  Speaking of charming, H snored through about one third of it.  ha ha

PS papa's soup?  Not bad, but he always lets the veges get sooo mushy.  But, he was very sweet about our getting home at 10 pm